Monday, November 12, 2007

Lest we forget ...

I must apologize for the unplanned break I've taken over the past couple of weeks. Combine a full-time job with a freelance assignment on the side with continuing to look for better employment with a string of unforeseen financial difficulties with illness and, well ... you won't have much free time, either. I'm not sure how I have the moment I have right now, and can only imagine I'm getting way behind on something else, but who cares? I'm here now, and that's what counts.

So what did we miss? Most notable, I believe, is the unholy alliance we now have between Rudy Giuliani and Pat Robertson. That's right. A corrupt, two-faced veteran of more marriages than even the Mormon guy he's running against in the primary has decided

Now let's have some fun with some Pat Robertson quotes, shall we? Firs, let's start with the biggie, the one with the greatest amount of irony here since Giuliani's campaign largely centers around the idea that it is Sept. 11, 2001 every day of every year, in perpetuity, or at least until he's elected president.

"We have allowed rampant secularism and occult, et cetera, to be broadcast on television. We have permitted somewhere in the neighborhood of 35 to 40 million unborn babies to be slaughtered in our society. We have a Court that has essentially stuck its finger in God's eye and said, 'We're going to legislate you out of the schools, we're going to take your Commandments from off the courthouse steps in various states, we're not going to let little children read the Commandments of God, we're not going to let the Bible be read -- no prayer in our schools.' We have insulted God at the highest levels of our government. And, then we say 'why does this happen?' Well, why its happening is that God Almighty is lifting His protection from us." -- Robertson's own Sept. 2001 press release

Yes, well, now aren't we lucky that we have a candiddate like America's Mayor, out there protecting us from the nefarious, potent threat of Internet pornographers, homosexuals and anyone who has ever read the U.S. Constitution. These people are, indeed, terrorists who hate us for our freedom!

"Presbyterians are the spirit of the Antichrist." -- The Best Democracy Money Can Buy, p. 239

Really?! My mother will certainly be interested to know that she is the devil. If anything, I think this revelation will inspire her to modify her home decor so that it's more, you know, hell-like. Can't wait to see it, and I'll be having a lot of fun telling people I'll be going to hell for the holidays!

"[Homosexuals] want to come into churches and disrupt church services and throw blood all around and try to give people AIDS and spit in the face of ministers." The 700 Club, Jan. 18, 1995

Pat, those aren't homosexuals! Those are imaginary evil vampires you've created in your own fervent imagination! My advice is to stop renting Bela Lugosi flicks and lay off the Count Chocula for awhile, OK?

"I think 'one man, one vote,' just unrestricted democracy, would not be wise. There needs to be some kind of protection for the minority which the white people represent now, a minority, and they need and have a right to demand a protection of their rights." (talking about apartheid in South Africa)" The 700 Club, March 18, 1992

Protection like, say, making every black count as three-fifths of a person? Now that's what I call a traditional American value! But, you know, I think what this means is, if Rudy is elected, we in America have an obligation invade America, in order to establish a free and democratic America, a nation what would become a beacon and a means by which we may spread democracy throughout the Middle West!

"The Antichrist is probably a Jew alive in Israel today." As quoted in "The Christian Paradox", Harper's Magazine (August 2005)

Wait a second, Pat, I thought you said the devil was Presbyterian! OK, I think I know what's going on here ... happens all the time ... Don't be fooled by my mother's semitic last name. She's a Christian, Pat. Been one all her life. At least until she became Satan.

“How dare the president of the United States say to the duly elected president of another country, 'You've got to step down,'" The 700 Club, July 7, 2003, attacking George W. Bush for asking Liberian President Charles Taylor, who had recently been indicted on war-crime charges, to step down.

Ah, yes, that's actually rather lucid, Mr. Robertson. So where were you on Iraq? Oh, wait, I forgot ...

"We've won the war already, and for the Democrats to say we can't win it -- what kind of a statement is that? And furthermore, one of the fundamental principles we have in America is that the president is the commander in chief of the armed forces and attempts to undermine the commander in chief during time of war amounts to treason. I know we have an opportunity to express our points of view, but there is a time when we're engaged in a combat situation that carping criticism against the commander in chief just doesn't cut it." The 700 Club, Dec. 7, 2005

What kind of statement is that indeed? Folks, you know, I'm not a psychologist, nor do I consider myself to be any more than an amateur diagnostician in this or any other medical field, but I think it's seriously time for all of us to consider that our dear Pat is ... bipolar. Which is OK. We're only now beginning to realize the scope and effects of this neurological disorder, and there's plenty of help, treatment, and qualified therapists out there for people like him. Pat, don't try to be a hero. Do the right thing for yourself. Accept your problem, come to grips with reality (I understand this may be particularly difficult for you) and then, and only then, you may begin to be healed!

“You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if [President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela] thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It’s a whole lot cheaper than starting a war. And I don’t think any oil shipments will stop. [...] We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with.” The 700 Club, Aug. 22, 2005.

OK, this problem may be bigger than we thought. Is it wrong to suspect that Pat may soon list "Nation Builder" as one of his occupations? Or maybe "South American Rebellion Leader"?

Of course, lest we forget Pat's special hope for members of our own government ...

"Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up like Newt Gingrich wants to do," The 700 Club, June 2003

So there you have it. Rudy Giuliani in bed with a man who proposes the overthrow of America with a nuclear strike. This could be interesting come the general election.

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