Friday, September 7, 2007

Jezebel boys

So I must say that I still haven't recovered from Wednesday's disgrace by the Phillies. But I'd feel a lot better about things if the Philly fans do what they do best and boo their team tonight, because they deserve it.

At least we don't have juicers like Rick Ankiel on the team. I think it's interesting that we're now getting a bunch of stories about a substance known simply as "Human Growth Hormone." I think this term has a lot better chance of resonating than "androstendione" or "testosterone" or even "the cream and the clear." It's a lot harder to simply slough off Human Growth Hormone as some kind of flaxseed oil, and I think the long-term perception of its users will collectively be as some of the most pernicious cheaters and drug abusers in the history of competition. We'll see.

Speaking of the pernicious, can anyone believe this shit about Larry Craig? It is, as KO called it the other night, the gift that keeps on giving for the Democrats, or for that matter, anyone who thinks the political leadership in this country is dangerously full of shit. To get everyone up to speed here, Craig is a gay-bashing homosexual Republican senator from Idaho who got caught soliciting sex from a male police officer in a Minneapolis airport, pleaded guilty to the charges, resigned from the Senate, then changed his mind, rescinded his resignation, is attempting to withdraw the plea and has consistently denied that he's gay despite the evidence here that he's probably been a homosexual, or perhaps a bisexual, for about 50 years or so, or however long it's been since he hit puberty.

(And now he says he wants to resign again, but ... well, Craig has the same level of credibility as the John Mark Karr about right now, so stay tuned.)

I've been looking for an appropriate reaction to this for a while now, since the whole seems straight out of an episode of Trey Parker and Matt Stone's "That's My Bush!" Then it hit me, as I was doing a Google News search for "Larry Craig" this morning. The second hit is for Craig's official Senate Web site, and there are four sublinks below, the first of which is his "How to Contact Me" page. This can be no coincidence. Clearly, folks, we have a man here who is realizing life is short and the time for a loving relationship is now. I know there are plenty out there who share that feeling, and well, if there are any homosexual male readers out there, here's your chance! eHarmony isn't willing to help you find a soulmate, but Senator Craig is there to fill the void! Send Craig a note today to let him know you're interested. The long journey of love begins with one simple step. Don't you deserve to find the man of your dreams? Despite what he says sometimes, Sen. Craig sure thinks you do, and he's waiting to hear from you today!

And remember, unlike Craig, you're not doing anything illegal here. You're not soliticiting him for sex -- all you're looking for is a nice dinner and a walk outside on the first date. What happens from there is up to you and the Senator.

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