Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Wait, what did you just say?

Here are a couple of stories that drew my attention in and of themselves, but were elevated to legendary status by a single paragraph.

This morning I read that the island city of Sanibel, off the Southwest Florida coast, has decided Big Brother knows best. Note this gem of a quote from The News-Press story:

“The good thing about surveillance, all surveillance, is it doesn’t take away freedoms. It protects,” said Virgil Patterson, a retired marketing executive visiting from Naples.

Sir, for whom did you do your marketing, the Bush administration? Or perhaps Mitch McConnell?

How does Sanibel survive as a tourist destination? Siesta Key is just up the road and there's no $6 toll and free and relatively plentiful parking. Memo to Sanibel residents, who seem to think they live on a gilded island: You don't.

Later we found out that Pat Gillick is stepping down as general manager of the Phillies after 2008. He'll be 71 then, so I'm guessing his next move will be retirement and not skydiving lessons gone wrong like his predecessor. But you never know. Unless, of course, you ask Associated Press writer Rob Maaddi, who knows all. To wit, check out the second sentence in graf four of his Gillick story:

Manuel has done an outstanding job keeping an injury- depleted team in the playoff race.

This is news to me, and apparently he must have a pretty good source, because I was almost certain the opposite was true. So for Maaddi to write this as fact, and unsubstantiated fact at that, means he must know more than me and all my friends. Oh all-knowing Maaddi, would you be so gracious in your blessings upon us to rain down a humble scrap of attribution from what must be your bounty of sources? And would that your editors be so merciful as to keep all editorializing out of, at the very least, the top five grafs!

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