Sunday, December 30, 2007

It's the 2007 Douche of the Year award!

You know, a lot of people have asked me, "Chuck, why don't you blog any more?" Or at least one person, my friend Pedro, has asked this. I don't really have good answers to this question, other than

1. I have two jobs, plus freelancing assignments, and as a result have very little time.

2. I'm also looking for another job that would allow me to cut down to one.

3. It's the holidays and nobody really pays much attention to things other than egg nog, champagne and any and all alcoholic beverages necessary to delude themselves into thinking they really care for their relatives and it's a good idea to spend four hours watching the Chick-Fil-A Bowl.

But, it is now New Year's Eve, and as years of media consumption have taught us, it's time to watch the Humanitarian Bowl from Boise, Idaho, matching Fres ... er, no. Time for an end-of-the-year list or award! Like, say, my Douche of the Year award!

Previously we had nominated Dick Cheney and Rupert Murdoch. Throw in best buds Pat Robertson and Rudy Giuliani, and we have a crowded field, folks. They're all assholes, to be sure. But what is it about each of them that allows them to transcend asshole status and become the remarkable douches they are? Let's take a quick look:

Dick Cheney: The CEO of the Bush White House, he is the man in charge of the neocon assault on humanity, the U.S. Constitution and common sense.

Rupert Murdoch
: The media monopolist whose minions are directed to ignore the tenets of the journalism they are purported to practice and serve merely as water carriers for Bush, Cheney and the neocons.

Pat Robertson: Fundamentalist Christian televangelist bent on whipping up a fervent faith amongst the masses not in the Prince of Peace but in the politics of fear and hatred.

Rudy Giuliani: A pure opportunist who stops at nothing -- not even the untimely deaths of 9-11 victims -- to exploit his way to power.

An impressive lineup, all of whom are worthy candidates for Douche of the Year. But only one can win. So I must be especially scrutinizing when it comes to their credentials, and of particular interest, since this is a yearly award, is their activity within the last 12 months. So Robertson, who made an impressive return to relevance with his well-hyped endorsement of Giuliani but who has been a bigger douche in other years, is out. Cheney, whose influence took a hit from the midterms of 2006, albeit a tiny, barely recognizable hit shrinking in effect with each day Nancy Pelosi and the pecked hens of the Democratic Leadership Committee sit on their hands in Congress, is also out. Giuliani, who has slid in the polls while leveraging defeat in early, small state primaries against a large-state sweep on Super Tuesday, is in great position to be the douche of the year for 2008. But the choice for 2007 is a man who has worked largely behind the scenes to spread propaganda, fear, hatred, hypocrisy and out-and-out lies across the country and around the world for years. Rupert Murdoch, whose empire expanded with the acquisition of the Wall Street Journal and whose mendacity was enough to strike fear into as nefarious a figure as Journal editorial page chief Paul Gigot, is accorded the dishonor of the very first Time stops for no one Douche of the Year award.

Congratulations, Rupert! May you rot in hell!

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